Written by Nahlah Mata Bey

Hi, I'm Nahlah and I'm a single mom (sounds like I'm in an AA meeting lol).  Anyway, I used to feel angry, bitter, hurt, let down, disappointed and every other synonym that fits these descriptions.

Fast forward to now... I'm grateful, stronger, happy, have the most profound 13Love for my child and I absolutely 13Love that I AM his Mother.  I graciously get the opportunity to grow and fulfill the most important position known to man.  Cultivate life.

As we all know, seeds take time to sprout.  Back then, I was really angry with my sun's biological father.  What he was doing and what he did was beyond the shadow of a doubt wrong, but... so was I.

I had a conversation with my own Mother the other day; she was also a single Mother.  She wanted to know why I didn't have any hard feelings towards my sun's father anymore.  I asked her, "When you were married to my dad did something inside of you know this wasn't right from the beginning."  She was quiet for a moment, then she said, "Yes, he knew and so did I."  Afterwards, she proceeded to explain how.  Then I replied, "Well, that's why I'm not upset anymore.  Deep down I knew better."

I think 99.99% of us know when we are being deceived by a man.

Actually, the thing that's more alarming than lesser men trying to deceive us, is that we possess this INCREDIBLE and other worldly intuition (which is a gift from TMHs) to know better, yet we choose to ignore et.  We rather entertain those fantasies and illusions we create for a deceiving man to coincide with the sweet nothings he's whispered into our ears; then reality strikes us square in the gut because now there's a baby, and as daughter of TMHs you feel an innate responsibility and 13Love for your child.

I'm not here to disregard the fact that this "man" (if that title can even apply to IT) is a complete an utter loser, just as he was when you first met him.  Though we'd be crazy and pretty petty to expect him to be something other than what he has shown us time and time again.

When people show you who they are... BELIEVE THEM.

Of course, him being a stone cold loser doesn't make everything magically okay, he has just as much responsibility as me, you or your own Seastar.  Based on natural principle aka natural law, what happened to taking responsibility for the fact that YOU CHOSE HIM to create a new life with?  For me, this innerstanding and overstanding helped me let go of {IT}.

I'd ask him to help with diapers or food every once in a while and when he refused, instead of getting mad, I just handled my business and figured out how to get diapers for my baby because that's my job.  Wasting time being upset was a distraction and quite frankly was an attempt to take the life away from myself and my baby.

The life we give is the life we live... right?

After a while, I decided it wasn't worth even asking {IT} for ANYTHING.  My true testimony is that when your ultimate goal is to be a righteous parent and bring your child up TH Right Way, TMH's will ALWAYS provide a way.  When I stopped getting angry, being a victim, feeling sorry for and blaming myself, I made room for Big Amma Mama to make our life better than I could have ever fathomed. 

Over time, I've had to do a lot of owning up to prior things and situations.  My ultimate goal isn't to place the blame on him or even myself, et's just to reclaim my authority as a righteous daughter of Big Amma Mama through the responsibility of being a Tru Mother and keep navigating back home. Like our beloved Rabbi/Apostle Ninesun Amaru Bey said, he'll fight the battles for me and us if we make sure to do the right thing.

I realized I couldn’t be a Queen and a victim at the same time, so I chose her Grace.
 
 
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